One of the most disturbing questions we ask ourselves is- What is my purpose in life? In this article, I will:
- show you why that question matters less
- show you why “follow your passion” is wrong advice
- debunk other myths about finding purpose, happiness and meaningfulness in life.
Man’s search for purpose/ meaning in life is universal. We all want to live a meaningful and purposeful life. We want to lead the best lives and impact the lives of others.
THE HAPINESS EQUATION
People have this delusion about happiness that once they achieve “something” their lives will change completely. They will live happily ever after and lead meaningful lives.
THE WRONG EQUATION
Great work ? Big Success ? Be happy
In high school my equation for happiness looked like this:
Study hard ? Score Straight A’s ?Be happy
After achieving that goal, I was happy for a few days before the excitement evaporated. And I was back to the drawing board to set new goals. Like this blog blowing up. Lol
After achieving any goal, the excitement lasts for a few days or weeks and then we set new goals.
Here’s an example
A young man may think his life will change for the better once he marries the woman of his dreams. After that happens, his goal shifts to siring and raising children. Soon after, he is thinking about his retirement plans before death catches up with him.
Some are waiting for that one right spouse, that one right job, that one great academic fete. What are you waiting for?
THE RIGHT EQUATION OF HAPINESS
Be happy ? Do great work ? Succeed
In the words of Eckhart Tolle, “The ‘waiting to start living’ syndrome is one of the most common delusions of the unconscious state. Enjoy what you are already doing instead of waiting for some changes so that you can.”
We spend a lot of time in the process and a very short period in the outcome. We study for years and the graduations last for a few hours. Learn to enjoy the process not the outcome alone.
Desire is just a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. Once you understand this, you won’t seek fulfillment by conquest alone.
THE HALLUCINATIONS WE HAVE ON PURPOSE
We all have this delusion- there is that one purpose designed for us in life. And that its our mission to find it. And that it is by following that purpose that we get to lead meaningful lives.
Many people cannot tell what to do with their lives. We end up asking for help from mentors on how we should find our passions.
Here’s the truth. We live for an undetermined period. During that time we do some things that are important and others that are not. The important things bring us happiness and make our lives meaningful. The unimportant ones just pass time.
Instead of asking “What’s my life’s purpose? Ask “What can I do with my life that is important?”
And again we all have passions. They are there staring at you. But you keep ignoring them. Look into what you spend most of your free time doing. That’s where your passion lies.
WHY WORK AFFECTS THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES
The average man who lives about 70 years on earth spends a third of his life working. Most adults spend more than half of their days working. Being on a bad job, a job that you cannot wait to quit is the last thing anyone would wish for.
THE MIRAGE OF A PERFECT JOB
We all think that there is that one job that suits us. That it will come with no challenges just because we will be doing what we love. There’s no job that you will never get stressed over, get tired of or never complain about.
I love the words of Mark Manson, “The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice- whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.”
Here’s the prove. Usain Bolt is the world record holder of the 100 M race. You would be wrong to assume that he enjoys every single bit of it just because he loves what he does. Even after winning Olympic medals and breaking the world record, he still hated it. Here’s what he said. “I hated every minute of training, but I said ‘don’t quit’ you have to suffer now and live for the rest of your life.”
It indeed takes time to get good at anything. And as Ira Glass the radio host put it “The key thing is to force yourself through work, force the skills to come; that’s the hardest phase.”
NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE HEADED, WE ARE ALL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ON THE WAY
We look at successful people and think that they were born knowing this is what they will get good at. Like they were handed the manuscripts of their careers while the rest of us were given birth certificates instead. No one knows where they are headed. We are all trying to figure it out.
WHY FOLLOW YOUR PASSION IS A BAD ADVICE
Steve Jobs famously said, “you have to find what you love. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, and don’t settle.”
The words “do what you love and then money will follow you” are always screaming to our ears.
We have mistakenly assumed that the key to a satisfactory, fulfilling and happy career is matching an already existing passion to a job.
THE STORY OF STEVE JOBS
If you studied the life of Steve Jobs a few years before he founded the Apple company, you would never have linked him with someone passionate about starting a technology company. Jobs attended Reed College, a liberal arts college where he studied Western history and dance but dropped out in his first year.
He was not passionate about technology or entrepreneurship as a student. If Steve Jobs had pursued what he was passionate about, we would probably recognize him as one of the most popular teachers and not a technology entrepreneur.
YOU DO NOT FIND YOUR PASSION, YOUR PASSION FINDS YOU
Let’s take soccer fanatics as an example. No one taught them how to be soccer fans. They just came across soccer, watched a single game and they found it captivating. And they will hardly miss a game when their favorite team is playing. They can even spend their whole day talking about football. Just join two people arguing who between Ronaldo and Messi is the G.O.A.T.
Many people have hobby-style passions such as sports and art that are hardly related to any career. Taking sports for instance, very few people who are passionate about particular sports can become professional sportsmen, coaches or any other career related to sports.
As we will see below, the single notion of matching a job with an already existing passion is not among the factors that contribute to a satisfying, fulfilling and happy career. This is something Cal Newport has argued quite well in his book “SO GOOD THEY CANNOT IGNORE YOU.” He goes ahead to give the factors that really contribute and a meaningful and fulfilling career. According to his study there were three consistent factors that lead to people loving what they do. And they are as follows;
- Creativity– You have the opportunity to improvise your work and implement your ideas
- Control– You have some say of how, when, and where your work gets done.
- Impact/relatedness– Your work has a positive influence on your co-workers or customers. You also feel connected to other people. People who feel the impact of their jobs end up loving what they do. They often offer themselves to even work for extra hours. Think of a surgeon who saves lives in theatre rooms. He takes the pride from his work.
- Competence-feeling that you are good at what you do
Even with an already existing passion, if you choose any career and fail to experience any of these traits, your passion will soon fade away.
The passion first mindset is of depreciating value. It makes us ask what the world can offer us while we should be asking ourselves what we can offer to the world.
HOW DO PEOPLE END UP LOVING WHAT THEY DO
As Cal Newport put it, “Compelling careers often have complex origins that reject the simple idea that all you have to do is follow your passion.”
The number one reason that drives passion is competency. Beginners at any career will find their careers as a mere job while the experienced people who have mastered the art and are so good at what they do will see their job as a calling.
Focus on becoming better at what you do. No one owes you a great career that you love and care about, you have to earn it.